We live in a dangerous country. Whether you live on the coast, the bush, the outback, the rainforest or any other area, every time you set foot outside your own home you are taking your life in your own hands – redback and funnel web spiders, black snakes, brown snakes, sharks, blue bottles and other nasties abound. No wonder we are called the ‘Lucky Country’. You have to be lucky to get through the day without needing a trip to casualty.
To our mind, fears of these various beasties are well founded. It is only sensible to be afraid of a very small arachnid that can hide anywhere and kill you with a single bite. We don’t consider such fears to be phobias but rather common sense. Part of the ongoing struggle for the survival of the fittest (and most cautious).
Our modern world has brought about many fears, however, that previous generations never had to consider. So, not discounting the continuing threat of the funnel web that has decided to make your shoe its new home, here are some more contemporary phobias:
Fulltrolleyophobia – the fear of discovering that upon reaching the checkout with a large load of groceries that you have left your purse at home.
ATMophobia – the fear that you will insert your ATM card and then not be able to remember your PIN number. This can be a secondary phobia to fulltrolleyophobia (see above). Also known as EFTPOSophobia.
ATMMachineophobia – the fear of not understanding the many acronyms that now bombard us on a daily basis. Automatictellermachinemachineophobia is not to be confused with Automatictellermachineophobia (see above).
Muffintopophobia – the fear that you will be out in public before you notice that between the top of your low rider jeans and the bottom of your trendy crop top you have a large, bulging roll of stomach that the whole world can see. We believe that the world would be a better place (at least visually) if more people developed this phobia.
Outoftheloopophobia – the fear that you will mispronounce or not recognise common pop culture references. This often results in sufferers avoiding social gatherings for fear of missing the significance of oblique Seinfeld references (No soup for you!) or avoiding reading out loud for fear of mispronouncing Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings character names (Her-me-own? Herm-ion? He-r-my-one? Why didn’t she just call her Sheryl?)
Muttophobia – the fear that when questioned you will have absolutely no idea what breeds of dog have combined to result in your current family pet. These days everyone seems to know exactly what the heritage of their dog is, no matter how humble.
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